Selective Neo-Luddism, or Burying My Head in the Sand

I have this weird urge with new technological trends to not just resist them, but to often overtly ignore their existence and/or completely avoid learning what they are.

For example: I didn't know what a "blackberry" was (other than a delicious fruit and a Black Crowes song) for years. Didn't want to know. I also thought that Facebook was the high school and college (read: kiddie) rip-off of MySpace until about two months ago. Maybe it was that at some point in the past. I don't know, I still haven't gotten around to investigating that. All I know is it is apparently acceptable for persons of legal drinking age to be members.

I don't know what the exact impetus for this Luddism is. I am not opposed to technology and advancement. I enjoy many other fruits of the high-tech world - my HDTV, my MacBook, etc. I am not going around burning down factories in protest of the Industrial Revolution. It's not some principled stance or an attempt to be hip by being anti-trend or uber-cynical. I could care less. I just find myself holding out on certain things. Somewhere in the back of my head I think it becomes some kind of social experiment - someone mentions something new and hot, and I don't know what it is, so I just see how long that can go on. I usually don't even tell people about it. Just my own little stubborn game I play. Eventually, though, I can't hold out any longer, because the part of our culture that I habitate becomes saturated with the object of my ignorance.

Today's example: Twitter.

My friend R. Craft kept bringing up Twitter to me, but I told her to shut it (nicely). In the few weeks since then, all my favorite blogs, radio stations, etc. have starting referring to their Twitters or whatever. So I give up. I am going to check it out. And you, faithful reader, will come along on the voyage of discovery....

Okay, going to Google to search "Twitter." I see they have their own website - okay, so Twitter is a proper noun, trademark, whatever. Click on this.

Oh good, it takes me to a "What is Twitter?" page. I hope this is better than "What is I Am Second?"

"Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?"

What the hell does that mean? Is this like those Status Updates on MySpace? I hate those things! It is just about telling others what you are doing? I don't care what people are doing. I thought this was something about blogging, like RSS feeds for blogs or something. Okay, I need to calm down. Let's explore further. (I like how one of the three best quotes they could get was "I really like Twitter.")

Let's go to the "Why?" tab. I am very curious now to see why I should give a shit about this thing.

"Why? Because even basic updates are meaningful to family members, friends, or colleagues—especially when they’re timely.

• Eating soup? Research shows that moms want to know.
• Running late to a meeting? Your co–workers might find that useful.
• Partying? Your friends may want to join you."

Is this a joke? Did someone make this thing up just to try to raise my blood pressure? I had planned for this post to be me signing up for Twitter and learning a valuable lesson about how I shouldn't hate on things I don't know about because I will eventually end up thinking they are awesome...but this is stupid. Unless something changes quickly, there ain't no damn way I'm signing up to find out who is eating soup. Let's click the "How?" tab.

"With Twitter, you can stay hyper–connected to your friends and always know what they’re doing. Or, you can stop following them any time. You can even set quiet times on Twitter so you’re not interrupted.

Twitter puts you in control and becomes a modern antidote to information overload."

Hyper-connected? I don't care what my friends are doing. I avoid most of the bastards as much as possible. Information overload? Geez, I can never keep track of how many of my friends are eating soup and/or partying. I need a website that will sort through all of this for me.

Okay, that's it, our fun little experiment is aborted. This thing is stupid. I am not even gonna sign up. I can't even finish the blog with any semblance of style. I am too disappointed and angry.

Fuck Twitter.