Okay, this Dracula vs. Werewolf thing is burrowing its way deeper and deeper into my waking mind, thus making it (even more) difficult to get any work done. So I will let it out here.
For those of you who don’t number yourselves among the crossover traffic between this blog and Hot Water Cornbread: first, what the hell is wrong with you? Second, an explanation is in order.
Our friend Jangles (aka Nathan) is a man of explicit instrumental and vocal talent, a possessor of impressively antique guitars and an equally impressive rhythm section, but not one who has been often lauded as a pillar of logic or a burgeoning superstar of 21st century philosophy. He and his friend/co-worker Jack, a musician who was in a band with Kid Congo, as well as the primary male character in the music video for the Jeff Buckley song “Everybody Here Wants You” came up with this game wherein the whole of humanity, to a man, can be classified as either a Werewolf or a Dracula. Now, HWC has touched upon the particulars in his own blog (namely that there are no particulars), but after a recent phone conversation with the Cornbreadster, I wanted to delve further into this ridiculousness.
For the record, I am offended that Jangles did not bring up this game when he came to my house just one day after bombarding HWC with whisperings of bloodsuckers and shapeshifters. Perhaps he realized that the lack of parameters would bring me to smite him either with a cricket bat or with indefatigable intellect. The other possible solution is that the proprietors or staff of Club Next had forced so much drink down his gullet the night before that he was too hung over to remember anything about the game. Either way he is out of my will.
So.
Talking with HWC led us to touch upon our own immediate thoughts on what makes one a Dracula or a Werewolf (anyone taking umbrage with the use of “Dracula” over “Vampire” should again refer to HWC’s top-notch explanation). We both recognized that one difficulty with the game is one’s immediate inclination to look at physical appearance. Many of our group are gentleman of winter-insulation stature and/or shockingly hirsute faces/heads/backs/etc. However, a fat hairy back does not a Werewolf make. This point should be first and foremost in the mind of any taxonomer. This shit is about personality.
HWC’s first thought was that the process by which a person makes a decision, be it what to do with their 401(k) or which bitch to try to fuck at the club, is penultimate in determining their mythological (?) creature status. Werewolves don’t think it through. Draculas are cold and calculating. Tough to argue with that logic.
My theory was that one’s public (and to some degree, private) persona is what makes them what they are. Loud, boisterous, destructive and grating are all terms one could associate with a Werewolf. Similarly, quiet, snobby, cool and boring (possibly) could all be Draculaean modifiers. And this doesn’t even begin touch on the transformative nature of both the Werewolf and Dracula. That would introduce too many variables, and possibly cancel one another out if you are of the mind that both could exist as mild-mannered everymen when not in their bloodlusting states.
The point is (yeah, Walter, what’s your point?) that two discerning individuals came up with two equally valid parameters of discussion for the taxonomy of Werewolves and Draculas. After I got off the phone with HWC (who had originally contacted me to guilt me into writing another blog, so here you go, bitch) I quickly realized that the brilliance of this game is not in the open-endedness, per se, though that does come into it, but the multi-player aspect. To wit:
Two players can come up with two separate but equally valid rationalizations for categorizing a person a certain way. If they both call said spade a spade, then it is solid. That person is what they have decided. Three or even four unanimously deciding that you are a Dracula makes it even more so. So long as everyone agrees with the different criteria, then the lack of parameters is overcome by an almost democratic brainstorming.
The main ramification of this is that the game can no longer be played alone, unless for the purpose of forming opinions for later conferencing with fellow taxonomers, because no one (besides schizophrenics and lead singers) believes their opinion is THE be-all end-all.
Let it be said then that henceforth all formal decisions of who is a Werewolf and who is a Dracula are only valid if decided on by two or more people in unanimity, and said classification can only be overturned by a similarly unanimous decision by a greater number of people.
Let it also be said that this game is already getting on my nerves. Good Lord.
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