This is one of those very rare instances where I wish I wasn't from Texas. And the ONLY reason I wish that is because then I could say "What is wrong with you fucking Texas drivers?"
Specifically: whenever there is any inclement weather, why do your assholes clench up tighter than a [nasty analogy]? Huh? Why?
Some odd weather over the past week or two here in the ol' DF-Dub has made the inadequacies of area drivers appallingly obvious (possible other explanation - it is city drivers who suck). We've had freezing temperatures, sleet, snow (a tiny bit), frozen bridges, fog, rain, mist, drizzle (what Snoop Dogg does when he smells a tasty steak), and at one point I think there was a shower of highly confused toads. And people lost their shit.
You might say that those sound like good conditions to lose your shit in, but I would argue there is no good condition in which to lose your driving skills. Furthermore, the instances of each weather phenomenon were mild, at worst. It was kinda cold, it barely sleeted, the fog still allowed for 200 yards of visibility, the bridges MIGHT have been icy, and it never really truly rained. But you'd think we were in the middle of some crappy end-of-the-world movie the way people were slamming on their breaks.
The morning it was allegedly icy: rather than driving normally and letting there foot off the gas when approaching bridges, people were just slamming on their breaks AFTER they got onto the bridge. Hey, maybe they were purposely trying to send their cars into a wild slide. Maybe they wanted to collect the insurance money. I just know I don't appreciate it.
Then a couple mornings later (after the temperatures had risen into like the 50's), it was drizzling. MISTING, really. I get on the freeway. People were driving 45 miles an hour! Why? There wasn't heavy traffic. The road wasn't particularly wet. They were just being idiots.
And this brings me to my real problem. The thing that bothers me the most, and made me want to write this. And that also caused me to question all my co-workers on their driving habits. Here we go, I'll just say it:
IF IT IS RAINING, FOGGY OR OVERCAST, TURN ON YOUR DAMN HEADLIGHTS
Seriously, Mr. Ford F-350, I can't see your stupid truck in my rearview mirrors when it is dark and you don't have your lights on! Hey, I know it's not night-time yet, but it can get dark during the day. It happens. I promise. They are called clouds. And fog. Yesterday it was real foggy. I estimate that 30-40 percent of cars did not have their lights on. So basically, 30-40 percent of people were morons.
Okay, I have ranted for too long about this. I fear that if I keep it up all of my driving-related grievances will come tumbling out. And we don't have time for that. Oh, and save the "That's what you get for living in Dallas" comments. I realize that is half my problem.
And I just thought of a way to not be non-Texan about this (because who likes a self-loather, really?) - I am going to assume that all these fucksticks that are driving terribly are actually from some other state. Go back to South Carolina, dipshit!
5 comments:
that's what you get for living in dallas. oh, wait... i see what you did there.
hey! i posted a comment on this blog already. where the f is it? also, you are due for another post soon. it's been like 3 days or something. geez.
I like how Wednesday last week, it "snowed" and every dumb fuck on Channel 5 was running to their car because it was "freezing" and they didn't want to get "stuck" in the "snow". Meanwhile, the reporter is interviewing them in her Go, Cowboys t-shirt and holding a glass of iced tea. God I hate this city.
you know, i live in south carolina and i take offense to that. not because you're wrong, but because i live in a state where people obviously weren't aware that their vehicles have headlights and/or turn signals. also, we should have a state public service announcement about deceleration/acceleration lanes. that'd be boss.
i think we're only allowed to drive well as a state on february 29th.
Wow, Scott. Way to call me out. I have to admit, I chose South Carolina because it is a southern state (hence less experience with snow and ice) and because I didn't know anyone from there, so that way I couldn't be offending anyone. But now I know you. So, the offending driver is now from..........Arizona!!!! Congratulations Arizona. You win the title for state with least amount of snow that features fewest people I know as natives! Whoo!
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